Christmas this year has been a short-lived merriment for me. Short-lived because it ended when I got back home in the afternoon after a night of celebration. It's still the 25th of December but it feels like Christmas has already passed; with no scheduled or impromptu encores, and 6 out of 7 family members at home, this can only mean that the remaining hours of Yuletide will slowly tick away with the exact cadence as a regular Sunday afternoon.
Much has happened in the recent weeks. 5% good and 95% bad. Words and emotions brought me down to my lowest point and hampered my ability to see through every passing minute with an authentic bout of joy. I couldn't get rid of that one insidious thought that had been planted in my mind ever since I found out that I was no longer the one; the thought that left me a wreck.
Home has also not quite been a refuge lately. An unoccupied resting space that is a bed or couch has been anything but comfortable. The moment I lie down and close my eyes, I begin to think of the entire build up to this undesirable state that I'm in. Gradually, as I remain motionless, I find myself shutting out the whole world; everything around me becomes nonexistent. Except my phone - the only object that can save me from this limbo. I wish for it to move, to vibrate because that could be her on the other end. And when it does, the vibration is not so much the subtle alert perceived by the rational mind as an emphatic wake up call that helps me regain consciousness.
It is then I realised hours have passed. Precious minutes have been wasted on thinking and worrying about things that I have no control over. But I feel that I don't even have control over my thoughts.
Perhaps the only thing that can still provide the remaining days of 2013 with a little joy is my trip to India tomorrow. I don't really believe that everything is fated. But in this case, the decision to fly during this period seems to be predestined. I couldn't have chosen a better time to leave.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Friday, December 06, 2013
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Companionship
When it comes to the elderly, I seem to have an inexplicable affection and sentimental attachment to them. It saddens me every time when I see an old man/lady selling things along the street. The sight of their feeble hands holding packets of tissues and reaching out, as a passive, yet laborious means to persuade passersby to purchase from them, tugs at my heartstrings every single time. Signs of a difficult and abandoned life are so palpable that I always secretly wish for their life to have a turnaround.
Conversely, it puts a smile on my face whenever I see an entire household walking in the mall, or having a meal outside. Knowing that there are others who share the same conviction as me, the conviction that companionship and not material prosperity defines what it means to be wealthy, makes me feel relevant.
I've been living with my grandparents since the day I was born but it's only when I entered my 20s that I began to really understand what the relative term, happiness, means to them. Elderly being abandoned, or left uncared for is such a commonplace in present-day society; often disregarded by their ungrateful posterity, it's no surprise that companionship ranks above all else when it comes to understanding what truly makes the elderly happy.
The aforementioned attributes that I so strangely possess have blessed me, over the years, with this empathetic insight. I'm instinctively attached to my grandparents and that has led me to want to be by their side whenever possible, even for what might seem like an inconsequential minute. But that one minute might involve me walking into their room, asking a few variations of "how's your day" type of questions, and ending it with a good night. And with everyone out working, and my grandpa and grandma having only each other in the day, for at least half the week, that minute of conversation has made me witness a true joy in their voice and laughter. That's also the same delight I see on their faces whenever my aunts and uncles chat with them over the phone, or bring them out for a meal.
My family and relatives do constantly support my grandparents financially, and that's where most people think that they've done their part. But the saying, 'money can never buy happiness' can't be more true in this instance. Grandpa and grandma almost always offer to pay whenever the three of us go out. Their treat does make me feel grateful, but ultimately, it isn't about who foots the bill because with each other around, we would have been happy all the same.
Another conviction which I hold deeply is the golden rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Knowing that I can truly make my grandparents happy drives me to continue doing it because when I'm all withered and frail, I would want nothing more than for someone to do the same.
Conversely, it puts a smile on my face whenever I see an entire household walking in the mall, or having a meal outside. Knowing that there are others who share the same conviction as me, the conviction that companionship and not material prosperity defines what it means to be wealthy, makes me feel relevant.
I've been living with my grandparents since the day I was born but it's only when I entered my 20s that I began to really understand what the relative term, happiness, means to them. Elderly being abandoned, or left uncared for is such a commonplace in present-day society; often disregarded by their ungrateful posterity, it's no surprise that companionship ranks above all else when it comes to understanding what truly makes the elderly happy.
The aforementioned attributes that I so strangely possess have blessed me, over the years, with this empathetic insight. I'm instinctively attached to my grandparents and that has led me to want to be by their side whenever possible, even for what might seem like an inconsequential minute. But that one minute might involve me walking into their room, asking a few variations of "how's your day" type of questions, and ending it with a good night. And with everyone out working, and my grandpa and grandma having only each other in the day, for at least half the week, that minute of conversation has made me witness a true joy in their voice and laughter. That's also the same delight I see on their faces whenever my aunts and uncles chat with them over the phone, or bring them out for a meal.
My family and relatives do constantly support my grandparents financially, and that's where most people think that they've done their part. But the saying, 'money can never buy happiness' can't be more true in this instance. Grandpa and grandma almost always offer to pay whenever the three of us go out. Their treat does make me feel grateful, but ultimately, it isn't about who foots the bill because with each other around, we would have been happy all the same.
Another conviction which I hold deeply is the golden rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Knowing that I can truly make my grandparents happy drives me to continue doing it because when I'm all withered and frail, I would want nothing more than for someone to do the same.
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