Christmas this year has been a short-lived merriment for me. Short-lived because it ended when I got back home in the afternoon after a night of celebration. It's still the 25th of December but it feels like Christmas has already passed; with no scheduled or impromptu encores, and 6 out of 7 family members at home, this can only mean that the remaining hours of Yuletide will slowly tick away with the exact cadence as a regular Sunday afternoon.
Much has happened in the recent weeks. 5% good and 95% bad. Words and emotions brought me down to my lowest point and hampered my ability to see through every passing minute with an authentic bout of joy. I couldn't get rid of that one insidious thought that had been planted in my mind ever since I found out that I was no longer the one; the thought that left me a wreck.
Home has also not quite been a refuge lately. An unoccupied resting space that is a bed or couch has been anything but comfortable. The moment I lie down and close my eyes, I begin to think of the entire build up to this undesirable state that I'm in. Gradually, as I remain motionless, I find myself shutting out the whole world; everything around me becomes nonexistent. Except my phone - the only object that can save me from this limbo. I wish for it to move, to vibrate because that could be her on the other end. And when it does, the vibration is not so much the subtle alert perceived by the rational mind as an emphatic wake up call that helps me regain consciousness.
It is then I realised hours have passed. Precious minutes have been wasted on thinking and worrying about things that I have no control over. But I feel that I don't even have control over my thoughts.
Perhaps the only thing that can still provide the remaining days of 2013 with a little joy is my trip to India tomorrow. I don't really believe that everything is fated. But in this case, the decision to fly during this period seems to be predestined. I couldn't have chosen a better time to leave.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Friday, December 06, 2013
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Companionship
When it comes to the elderly, I seem to have an inexplicable affection and sentimental attachment to them. It saddens me every time when I see an old man/lady selling things along the street. The sight of their feeble hands holding packets of tissues and reaching out, as a passive, yet laborious means to persuade passersby to purchase from them, tugs at my heartstrings every single time. Signs of a difficult and abandoned life are so palpable that I always secretly wish for their life to have a turnaround.
Conversely, it puts a smile on my face whenever I see an entire household walking in the mall, or having a meal outside. Knowing that there are others who share the same conviction as me, the conviction that companionship and not material prosperity defines what it means to be wealthy, makes me feel relevant.
I've been living with my grandparents since the day I was born but it's only when I entered my 20s that I began to really understand what the relative term, happiness, means to them. Elderly being abandoned, or left uncared for is such a commonplace in present-day society; often disregarded by their ungrateful posterity, it's no surprise that companionship ranks above all else when it comes to understanding what truly makes the elderly happy.
The aforementioned attributes that I so strangely possess have blessed me, over the years, with this empathetic insight. I'm instinctively attached to my grandparents and that has led me to want to be by their side whenever possible, even for what might seem like an inconsequential minute. But that one minute might involve me walking into their room, asking a few variations of "how's your day" type of questions, and ending it with a good night. And with everyone out working, and my grandpa and grandma having only each other in the day, for at least half the week, that minute of conversation has made me witness a true joy in their voice and laughter. That's also the same delight I see on their faces whenever my aunts and uncles chat with them over the phone, or bring them out for a meal.
My family and relatives do constantly support my grandparents financially, and that's where most people think that they've done their part. But the saying, 'money can never buy happiness' can't be more true in this instance. Grandpa and grandma almost always offer to pay whenever the three of us go out. Their treat does make me feel grateful, but ultimately, it isn't about who foots the bill because with each other around, we would have been happy all the same.
Another conviction which I hold deeply is the golden rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Knowing that I can truly make my grandparents happy drives me to continue doing it because when I'm all withered and frail, I would want nothing more than for someone to do the same.
Conversely, it puts a smile on my face whenever I see an entire household walking in the mall, or having a meal outside. Knowing that there are others who share the same conviction as me, the conviction that companionship and not material prosperity defines what it means to be wealthy, makes me feel relevant.
I've been living with my grandparents since the day I was born but it's only when I entered my 20s that I began to really understand what the relative term, happiness, means to them. Elderly being abandoned, or left uncared for is such a commonplace in present-day society; often disregarded by their ungrateful posterity, it's no surprise that companionship ranks above all else when it comes to understanding what truly makes the elderly happy.
The aforementioned attributes that I so strangely possess have blessed me, over the years, with this empathetic insight. I'm instinctively attached to my grandparents and that has led me to want to be by their side whenever possible, even for what might seem like an inconsequential minute. But that one minute might involve me walking into their room, asking a few variations of "how's your day" type of questions, and ending it with a good night. And with everyone out working, and my grandpa and grandma having only each other in the day, for at least half the week, that minute of conversation has made me witness a true joy in their voice and laughter. That's also the same delight I see on their faces whenever my aunts and uncles chat with them over the phone, or bring them out for a meal.
My family and relatives do constantly support my grandparents financially, and that's where most people think that they've done their part. But the saying, 'money can never buy happiness' can't be more true in this instance. Grandpa and grandma almost always offer to pay whenever the three of us go out. Their treat does make me feel grateful, but ultimately, it isn't about who foots the bill because with each other around, we would have been happy all the same.
Another conviction which I hold deeply is the golden rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Knowing that I can truly make my grandparents happy drives me to continue doing it because when I'm all withered and frail, I would want nothing more than for someone to do the same.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Travel Blog
The idea of starting a travel blog came upon me back in the start of the year. Being deeply interested in traveling and writing, travel writing sounded like a fitting composition.
Every trip has its memorable moments and small little details, which I feel cannot be wholly represented by images alone. For example, a picturesque photo taken at the Giza pyramids may stir up the longing to be back but it doesn't spell out details like how much I got cheated or put off by the touts; these little things are equally important to me and I don't want to forget them.
Hence, since I'm never the guy who can capture pictures that speak a thousand words, I write a thousand words to describe and preserve both the happy and unhappy moments that complement the memories.
Now when I travel, I'd sometimes look at a particular object or an area and think whether it's something that I can write about. The whole thinking process can be very pressurising at times but I don't want to risk going back and painstakingly typing out a paragraph only to realise that I don't have a fitting picture to sit on top of it.
www.theworldfascinates.wordpress.com - Your divided attention between here and there is very much wanted and appreciated!
Every trip has its memorable moments and small little details, which I feel cannot be wholly represented by images alone. For example, a picturesque photo taken at the Giza pyramids may stir up the longing to be back but it doesn't spell out details like how much I got cheated or put off by the touts; these little things are equally important to me and I don't want to forget them.
Hence, since I'm never the guy who can capture pictures that speak a thousand words, I write a thousand words to describe and preserve both the happy and unhappy moments that complement the memories.
Now when I travel, I'd sometimes look at a particular object or an area and think whether it's something that I can write about. The whole thinking process can be very pressurising at times but I don't want to risk going back and painstakingly typing out a paragraph only to realise that I don't have a fitting picture to sit on top of it.
www.theworldfascinates.wordpress.com - Your divided attention between here and there is very much wanted and appreciated!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Saturday, July 13, 2013
11.11
Whenever I coincidentally switch on my phone to a clock displaying 11.11am/pm, I'd secretly make a wish because according to the myth, it usually comes true. It's just one of the many superstitions I've had since a long time ago.
And tonight, I wished for a more favourable and promising future and good health to my family and friends.
And tonight, I wished for a more favourable and promising future and good health to my family and friends.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Back on the road
This is also my longest trip yet: 4 days in Hanoi and 14 days in Cairo means that I'll be experiencing life on two continents in the next 18 days. And with the possibility of not only witnessing the majestic desert, but also spending a night amid the magnificent sand dunes, this could well be my most adventurous jaunt for the coming years.
It won't be soon Before long
One of my must-watch movies this year, 'Before Midnight' will be screening here on the 25th of July! I believe, on many occasions, I've gone into raptures over the two "Before..." prequels - 'Before Sunrise' and 'Before Sunset' - whenever there was a discussion over movies. But I'm really not exaggerating: these two movies are easily my top two favorites of all time. And with the overwhelming positive reviews and comments surrounding this second sequel, I think it wouldn't be too early for me to make a claim that this trilogy would top the lot.
Even the release date is just three days before my birthday. I guess this coincidence makes up for the long long wait.
25th birthday celebration - outing to the theatres!?
Hahahahaha
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Thursday, May 09, 2013
#THANKYOUSIRALEX
This news came at the wrong time! I'm so distraught. I can't focus. Can't focus!
Thank you for all the nail biting, tear jerking and glorious moments.
99' and Moscow - Unforgettable!
Glory Glory Man Utd.
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Musical Caffeine
I've been putting classical and instrumental tunes on repeat for the past few days, and they have been of such great company! Definitely helped me with my concentration.
This is one of the few YouTube experiences where I will not get put off by the seemingly endless duration of the video. It only takes two to three pages of writing and reading and before I know it, the music has stopped. An hour has passed.
Not very encouraging to know that within an hour, I could only cover that much.
4 more days to go. All the best everyone!
Monday, April 15, 2013
It's time once again to bring out that brown (study) table and lay out all my books!
I want to stubbornly believe that this revision is going to be less tough than the previous round, what with the shortage of one module. Fingers crossed that when I start on the two heavy weights this week, that faint belief will not yield.
Let the next one month of hermitage go past smoothly. I can't wait to get back out.
I want to stubbornly believe that this revision is going to be less tough than the previous round, what with the shortage of one module. Fingers crossed that when I start on the two heavy weights this week, that faint belief will not yield.
Let the next one month of hermitage go past smoothly. I can't wait to get back out.
Monday, April 08, 2013
Choice
"So what do you plan to do next time?" is probably one of the questions asked, mostly during small talks or first encounters, that is very likely to elicit a strong reaction from the receiver of either a socially acceptable answer or one that is frowned upon.
Whichever response you give speaks volume because it is going to reveal 1) what kind of person you are, and 2) how promising/bleak is your future. Tell them you want to be a typical PME and work in a well-known firm and they will welcome you to the "club". Tell them you want to be anything else other than a spoiled product of society and they will reply with a phony "Oh, that's cool", which signals that they have one less person to compete with for the title of Mr/Mrs successful.
Then it's judgment day: they will embark on a presumptuous foray and form an impression of you. And all of a sudden, they will become curious and interested about your choice of future, eagerly waiting to fire all cylinders on why it is the wrong choice.
"Why do you want to be a/an -insert low paying job with poor prospects-? Do they pay a lot?"
Almost every time, I struggle to answer that question. Mainly because I'm overwhelmed and baffled by such narrow-minded and bigoted line of thought of these conformists whose life is shrouded by materialism, and everything must be about raking in the hundreds and thousands.
But whenever such exchanges happen, I will retreat into myself and initiate the whole thinking process: should we all go where the money goes? Work is going to take up a huge part of our lives. Should it just be a means to an end?
It's extremely frightening to wake up every morning and dread going to work because you hate your job. That's why I've always been a strong believer of doing the things I really love; however, this belief, admittedly, is wavering. It seems that the things I like to do aren't "lucrative" enough to provide sustainability in this helter-skelter society. To paraphrase what a friend of mine told me, we are encouraged to do the things we love. But we must also realize that there's a limit to it because the truth is, we're not living only for ourselves.
One moment, it feels like the path has been laid out. The next, it leads to a dead end. Society is a crazy breed; it is planting toxins in us throughout the course of our servitude; it is reminding us over and over again - Is it really about doing the things we love, or learning to love the things we do?
Whichever response you give speaks volume because it is going to reveal 1) what kind of person you are, and 2) how promising/bleak is your future. Tell them you want to be a typical PME and work in a well-known firm and they will welcome you to the "club". Tell them you want to be anything else other than a spoiled product of society and they will reply with a phony "Oh, that's cool", which signals that they have one less person to compete with for the title of Mr/Mrs successful.
Then it's judgment day: they will embark on a presumptuous foray and form an impression of you. And all of a sudden, they will become curious and interested about your choice of future, eagerly waiting to fire all cylinders on why it is the wrong choice.
"Why do you want to be a/an -insert low paying job with poor prospects-? Do they pay a lot?"
Almost every time, I struggle to answer that question. Mainly because I'm overwhelmed and baffled by such narrow-minded and bigoted line of thought of these conformists whose life is shrouded by materialism, and everything must be about raking in the hundreds and thousands.
But whenever such exchanges happen, I will retreat into myself and initiate the whole thinking process: should we all go where the money goes? Work is going to take up a huge part of our lives. Should it just be a means to an end?
It's extremely frightening to wake up every morning and dread going to work because you hate your job. That's why I've always been a strong believer of doing the things I really love; however, this belief, admittedly, is wavering. It seems that the things I like to do aren't "lucrative" enough to provide sustainability in this helter-skelter society. To paraphrase what a friend of mine told me, we are encouraged to do the things we love. But we must also realize that there's a limit to it because the truth is, we're not living only for ourselves.
One moment, it feels like the path has been laid out. The next, it leads to a dead end. Society is a crazy breed; it is planting toxins in us throughout the course of our servitude; it is reminding us over and over again - Is it really about doing the things we love, or learning to love the things we do?
Thursday, March 07, 2013
Welcome
Candy was in town over the weekend and the 7 of us managed to get together for an awesome brunch at East Ocean Teochew Restaurant at Takashimaya!
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| Us at Quan An Ngon Restaurant, Hanoi (2012) |
Brief encounters; walking around under the hot climate; indulge in moderation. Everything in moderation.
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