Change

This year seems to be a year of extended farewells and departures; three of my close friends are already trotting on foreign land for both academic and employment purposes and they won't be back anytime before December; my closest friend is flying around the world, working hard to put a smile on the passengers' faces and make them feel that their vacation hasn't actually ended or has already begun. Hence, gathering with friends now seems incomplete; occasionally, it feels like something is amiss.

And it is very likely that I will soon find myself in the midst of a transient and expatriate lifestyle - I'm planning to live, study, and work in Vietnam for a few months starting September. I've told a couple of my friends about it and they are, to a large extent, supportive of this choice. And that really means a lot to me. I wasn't expecting a resounding and definite 'go for it!' from them and it's understandably so - I myself was feeling unsure about this whole idea from the start and I wavered back and forth for months before I finally took a big and decisive step forward. But still, all of these would mean nothing without my family's support and consent. Yes, after I click the 'publish' button, you can say that the whole world will know about this. Except them. And I'm still waiting for the right moment to break the news to them. But what does the 'right moment' even mean? The idea of waking up on a cool Sunday morning with everyone at home happily talking to one another in the living room might qualify but such a scenario is so - and it breaks my heart to say this - uncommon at home that I can just categorise it as 'unrealistic'. So I guess it's not so much the 'right moment' as having the nerve to sit them down and talk.

I've thought of some possible questions that they might ask (I can already hear their bewildered voices in my head):

1. What am I going to do there?
2. How long will I be there for?
3. Why do I want to go there?
4. What am I going to do when I come back?

And my carefully formulated response would be:

1. I'm planning to teach English there. I'll study for a month for the TEFL certificate and then look for a few gigs. Having that certificate and a degree under my belt will increase my chances of employment so I'm in a fairly good position. The teachers there are also pretty well-paid so if I can secure a job early, then I should be fairly secured financially for the months to come.

2. I'm looking at around 4 months (honestly, I'm thinking of at least 6 months but that might be too big of a blow for them). I'm also planning to make a few trips back every now and then (not sure if time permits but I'm sure they could use a little assurance).

3. I just feel like going abroad and living by myself for a while. I really love the city, its people, and the lifestyle. It's so different from Singapore and it would require a lot of getting used to but I'm sure I can adapt to it. Besides, this would be an excellent opportunity to grow and learn to become more independent, to become more appreciative of what we have back home.

4. I'm not so sure about that yet. But what I know for certain is that if I miss the chance to do this, I'll sorely regret. I don't want to be one of those people who wake up on a Monday morning feeling extremely reluctant to go to work and while lying in their bed, they look back on their life and regret not doing the things they wanted back then and that there is no such thing as a 'second chance'.

My parents just asked me yesterday if I have any plans after my graduation ceremony in August. And I was really surprised and shocked. The timing of this did freak me out a little. Of course, I gave the usual ambiguous reply and changed the subject.

Sigh. I didn't mean to lie. It's as difficult for me as it is for them. But would they be even more hurt if they find out about this? I hope not :-(